Break Me
by Samolfran
Summary: He was determined to be the best pilot of the navy. She'd always strived to be at the top of anything she did. They had more in common than they knew and more hurdles to cross than anyone ever humanly could.
1. Chapter 1

Break Me

Chapter 1

He grew up on Arcturus station, having been dragged there by his mother, who was an engineer in the private sector, working for a company that did contracts for the Alliance. She was a single mother, his father having died in the line of duty for the Alliance while he was still in his mother's womb. His medical bills alone would sometimes set her back so far that after school activities for her little boy were just not possible. Jeff Moreau didn't particularly mind though, because honestly? What was he going to do? Any kind of sport involving running or catching or kicking would leave him stranded in the infirmary within five minutes. And any activity involving tactics and mental exercise would alienate him from his piers by the simple fact that he was wicked smart and competitive, but in no way a people person. And he really didn't need the extra disadvantage in the social circles. After school activities for the crippled freak? No thanks.

In sted of going out for sports and games with his friends like normal 7 year olds, he hung around the wharf where his mother worked, often finding a high crate to pull himself on top of, from where he could sit and marvel at the birth of new starships, drawing and fantasizing that one day he would have his own wings, to fly out into the galaxy on and shoot bad guys. Like for example Joel Barton and his band of vicious bullies.

Jeff had learned as a young child that there was only one way for him to prevent potential bullies from picking on him or worse - physically hurt him; He could knock them for a loop and make them look completely brain dead in front f their posse's. Bullies very rarely travelled alone and were completely dependent on their posse's support, which was only maintained so long as the bully appeared to be the meanest, toughest and coolest kid in the group. And getting your ass chewed up and spit out by the crippled kid with the crutches and the leg braces usually kind of made a dent in that image.

Unfortunately, Joel Barton had never given Jeff the chance to verbally defend himself as their first encounter started with a choke hold and a kick to the shin that caused both a hairline fracture and tearful eyes on the then 6 year old new kid. And that negated any attempt to follow the first rule of avoiding bullies; Never show weakness. Guess the tone was set right then and there. After that, recess had been the most dreaded times during the school day, mostly because the Barton gang had quickly invented the new and exciting pastime of coming up with as of yet untested ways of torturing their unwilling play pal.

Too bad bullies were morons. With just a few more points on their IQ score, they might have deducted that the crooked legs, the braces and the crutches actually indicated that if you beat the kid and threw him on the floor, his bones would break and leave the victim in a puddle of pain and limbs. That first year on Arcturus Jeff missed four months of school. Four months of orthopedic surgery, fixation and reconstruction of bones and rehabilitating physical therapy. And one might even think that said bullies would feel slightly bad about it and leave their victim alone once he returned, but no. They didn't. They just fund other ways to entertain themselves. And they justified their actions by blaming Jeff for the three weeks of suspension they had to endure due to his squealing to the adults. Said squealing was done by him being found in the bathroom by a teacher with 14 fractures in 8 bones, including his pelvis, both femurs, tibias and fibulas and a heel. Morons.

So yeah, 7 year old Jeff Moreau wanted to shoot bad guys. And fly.

High school hadn't been much better bully-wise, but at least the physical injury frequency had gone down, save for when the jocks got bored and Jeff got lippy. And it was very solitary. Nobody wanted to befriend the acidic brainiac with glass legs when he was the popular crowd's favorite chew toy. Those kinds of social stigmatas were infectious and everyone knew it. Not that Jeff ever complained about it or otherwise expressed regret that he sat alone at lunch, all his school projects were written alone and his birthdays went unnoticed, at least by anyone not his mother. She tried to compensate for his lack of a social life and worried about him constantly, not only because of his physical disabilities but also his psychological health. Problem was that no kid ever seemed cooler in high school by being coddled by his mother and her care only added to his social awkwardness, if not death.

By the time he hit the academy he was as closed off, defensive and caustic as they came. Any approach to him that wasn't strictly academic was immediately rebuffed with the absolute rock solid knowledge that nobody ever wanted to befriend him unless they were after something he wasn't willing to give, be it money, knowledge or pride. In the beginning of flight school he didn't have a whole lot of pride left, but he was determined to get it back. He'd show everyone who ever thought him to be worthless that he could do something with his life and do it damn well. Not only that, but he would do it better than anyone before him! He would get his wings and repay his mother's long years of scraping by to pay his med bills, by making her the proud and wealthy mother of the best pilot in the navy.

The day of graduation was one of the best in Jeff's memory. He had a partially fractured knee cap due to an incident where he got up from a chair too fast and the trip to the podium was shear agony. But as he graduated with the highest honor and received his diploma along with no less than five letters of recommendation from his instructors, he looked out onto the crowd and saw his mother's eyes. She was standing tall looking at him with such stern pride that he felt she was the only human being in the galaxy who understood what it meant to him and what he had to go through to get it. They were a team who had faced hardship and social wars alone and in that moment, not a single person in the universe could penetrate the armor that surrounded them. In that moment, they were strong.

* * *

><p><em><span>SSV Normandy, March 12, 2183 a.d.<span>_

"Hey, Lieutenant Alenko! Did you hear that we get our new XO today?" Corporal Jenkins yelled from across the shower room.

Staff lieutenant Kaidan Alenko looked up from the sink and continued his morning shave, "sure, Jenkins. I wouldn't be able to do my job very well if I didn't know who we had on board, now would I?"

"Oh, yeah right," The overgrown tween grinned bashfully. "So who is he?" he asked.

"_He _is a _she_, and she's probably the toughest alliance soldier any of us will ever meet." He casually said.

Jenkins came over to the sinks and practically bouncing with anticipation for him to spill the details, even though the lieutenant didn't look inclined to. "Oh come on, you've gotta be able to tell me more than _that_, Lieutenant?" He whined.

Alenko rinsed off his shaver, washed his face in cold water and turned to the eager corporal. "Alright, Jenkins. Let's see how good your 'Heroes of the Alliance' card collection is. She graduated top of her class at the academy when she was 22 and spent an extra year in scout sniper training before being sent to Elysium where she served two years until batarian slavers attacked. She single handedly held off the enemy assault 'till the alliance could send backup and saved the colony. After being awarded the Star of Terra she was handpicked for the N-program where she rose through the ranks over the years to the highest level, the N7's. The last three years she has been off the map, probably working black-ops in the Terminus systems. Any ideas?"

Jenkins looked deeply concentrated for a moment, then lit up in understanding before finally hitting disbelief. "No way! _Commander Shepard _is our new XO? I can't believe it! She was the reason I wanted to join the alliance! Well, apart from the boredom, I mean… Her exploits are off the charts amazing. And she's _hot! _I mean, have you seen her holo, man? Phew, I tell you."

"Alright, alright, Jenkins. Calm down, please. It isn't dignified to get that excited in the men's room while you're only wearing a towel," Alenko laughed.

"It is when it's friggin _Commander Shepard_ we're talking about. Oh man, I can't wait to tell Martin about it! I gotta go, see you later Lieutenant!" Jenkins sloppily saluted as he jumped on one leg out of the men's room while trying to pull on his second boot.

"Jenkins!" Alenko shouted. "PANTS! There are ladies on board!" He waited for a response he didn't get and then sighed to himself, "never a dull day…"

In the cock pit Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau was settling in nicely and getting familiarized with the ship's controls. They were going to Eden Prime tomorrow for the Normandy's shake down run and he wanted to be sure he knew all the specifics regarding the new top-of-the-line drive core and mass effect propulsion systems. He wouldn't get a feel for the ship until they were in the air, though, and the turian design of the exterior hull was as foreign to him as the next pilot. But he would adapt. He always did. Now they were just waiting for the XO to show up in the next hour or so and he would set the course after the meet n' greet.

Alenko plonked down in the navigator's spot on his right side rather unceremoniously and released a quiet grunt.

"What's wrong with you?" Joker asked with a raised eyebrow. He'd never really seen the Lieutenant anything but prim and proper before, and they were closing in on having served together for 5 months. Their last station on the SSV Scandinavia was as first pilot and second navigator, but of course Joker had put the brakes on any bonding time they might have shared.

"-Had to stop Jenkins from streaking through the ship shouting hero worship about our new XO like a town crier." He groaned. "And this was before I even had breakfast."

"Why?" Joker asked.

"It's Commander Shepard, N7, the Hero of Elysium."

"No, why stop him? If he's hell bent on screwing up his career on something so stupid, then why not let him do it to the amusement of many and entertainment of the ladies?" He scoffed. "And I'm well aware who the XO is, I have the same clearance as you, you know." He added with a glare.

Alenko glanced at the surly helmsman, deciding whether or not to answer him, "It's my job as Staff Commander to keep the marines in line, Joker. I'm pretty sure that streaking the CIC is against regulation, even if I haven't read it back to back."

Joker gasped, "I'm shocked! You haven't read the regs? I thought for sure that if anyone had, it would be you!" He was about to go on a verbal sarcasm spree when a beep on his console indicated that someone was requesting admittance to the Normandy from the dock.

"This is the SSV Normandy, responding. State your purpose. Over."

"_Commander Shepard, reporting for duty. Clearance code one-one-delta-niner-five. Over"_

"Stand by for clearance… You're good to go. Welcome abord, Commander." Joker said.

"Better get up before she goes through decon," Kaidan said. "Wouldn't want to disrespect our new XO, now would we?"

"Dammit, I knew I'd like her better on the vids than in real life." Joker griped and carefully hauled himself out of the chair. His file said he didn't have to stand at attention when seated, due to his condition, but he would be damned if he wanted to appear weak in front of… Well, anyone. Besides, Chakwas just loved fussing over him when he got minor injuries. She was sometimes worse that his mom, but with the power to cause pain and justifying and or camouflaging it as therapy. Scary.

"_Decontamination complete," _the mechanized voice informed them. As the doors opened, Joker and Alenko each smacked precise salutes as Commander Shepard entered with her duffel over her shoulder while reading her omni-tool. The movement made her look up quickly and tense before she relaxed and broke out a beautiful smile.

"At ease, gentlemen. Nice to meet you, I'm Commander Alexa Shepard." She shook Joker's hand firmly and he marveled at the soft, smooth skin of her small one.

_Who would have thought that the badass N7 marine, Commander Shepard would be so… Petite?_ Joker thought to himself as he looked from her hand to her chest where her N7 insignia was. Then, just before her smile started to falter at his point of focus, he made eye contact and managed to introduce himself as, "Joker. Ma'am." He could practically _hear_ Alenko's eye roll behind his back. Or at his side, technically. _Wow, she's really cute. Nice eyes… Unless they catch you through a sniper lens, I'll bet. _

"And you are…?" She continued on quickly.

"Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko, Ma'am." He smiled and took her hand.

"Hi." Shepard looked around briefly. "So where do I square away my stuff before reporting to the Captain, Lieutenant?"

"I'll show you. Follow me, Ma'am." Alenko said and led her down to the CIC at a brisk pace.

_Great, I'll just stay here then, never mind me, Alenko, _Joker thought to himself. _Jackass… Wait, scratch that. Thank you Alenko! Just look at Shepard go… Nice!_

He returned to his seat with a smirk and buried himself in the final calibrations before takeoff…

* * *

><p><strong>What do you think, should I continue?<strong>

**Be tough, I'm a big girl and I can handle it.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The next morning they closed in on the Arcturus Prime Mass Relay leading them to Eden Prime's star system, Charon. Joker had set the steady course to the relay the night before, but they were in no hurry and the crew had been given orders to be well rested before the shake down run, which meant that the beta shift had had the watch during the 'night'. Usually Joker didn't appreciate time off from the helm, mostly because the second pilot always messed with his settings on the chair, the controls and his extranet bookmarks.

He had yet to find a pilot who would just sit still and watch the monitors so they could wake him if something was iffy. But he figured it was a pilot thing. After all, who would want to go through four years at the academy to sit on their thumbs when being behind the controls to a ship as awesome as the Normandy? He wouldn't, that's for sure.

He just couldn't figure why the second pilot would delete his bookmarks on the extranet, every damn time. It was a pain in the ass finding all his sites again at the beginning of each shift. It wasn't even that the sites were against regulations, even though some of them might not be directly – ahem – work related, if you wanted to get technical. But come on, he had really, _really, _fragile bones in his legs so getting his personal kicks in the shower like a normal soldier wasn't an option. And since they introduced the sleeper pods with clear windows, there really wasn't a whole lot of appeal to easing one's tension there either, thanks very much Alliance Engineers!

So Joker took matters into his own hands, in a manner of speaking, and often took the night shift in addition to his own daytime hours. 'Nighttime' on the ship was quiet and provided a person in a nook or cranny of the ship, such as the cockpit, to participate in a few more extracurricular activities… And in return for the extremely low work pressure he put on the second, all he wanted was that she _quit messing with his settings!_

He was going to have words with her… Awkward words. About his private life. Shit.

But business first.

"The Arcturus Prime relay is in range. Initiating transmission sequence." Joker was in full pilot mode, moving his agile fingers over the controls in rapid report and keeping his navigators as well as the ship's moves on a tight leash. You wouldn't want to miss something when approaching the enormous rings of the relay, not to mention the mass effect core that could suck you in and spit you out on the other side of the galaxy - or not at all.

"We are connected. Calculating transit mass and destination." The star jumps were some of his favorite maneuvers at the helm. For just a short moment, the gravity shifted and he was as weightless and free as a bird. In that moment it was only the skill of the pilot that ensured that the whole crew made it to the other side of the artificial wormhole. Call it hubris, if you like, but Joker felt like he was the most powerful person in the world - and he was _good _at getting everybody through in one piece. Never a bumped head on his watch.

"The relay is hot. Acquiring approach vector." This was it, the first jump on the SSV Normandy since she had been brought out of dry dock at the wharf. It would be interesting to see how she would handle the mass effect field with her own drive core being as massive as it was. He was a few degrees off from being dead-on course and immediately corrected by regulating the port thrusters.

"All stations, secure for transit." After the last corrections, he was finally ready. He heard someone come up from behind, but this was very common. After all, he did have the very best view on the ship and there was something truly awe-inspiring about passing through a relay. Kinda like watching a thunder storm close by, only more dangerous. He was pretty sure he'd heard the turian spectre, Nilus, come up earlier, but he hadn't made a peep since then. For this Joker was thankful. Something about the guy just rubbed him the way wrong way. -Gave him the heebie-jeebies to have him hovering behind him too.

"The board is green. Approach run has begun." The relay popped into view and as always he got a tingling sensation up his spine and a clear idea of what David must have felt like, facing Goliath. He'd always liked that story, even if he wasn't a religious man. If there was a God, and he really hoped there wasn't, Joker would have a serious beef with the guy after having been faultily equipped from the get go. Leg-wise, of course. Not the other way…

"Hitting the relay in 3 – 2 – 1." _Woo hooo! What a ride! I LOVE this baby! _Joker thought to himself as the craft rushed through the relay and then warped into real time in the Charon system.

Setting a course for Eden Prime he slowly began to come down from his adrenaline high.

"Thrusters, check. Navigation, check. Internal emission sink engaged. All systems online. Drift, just under fifteen hundred K." He leaned back in his chair with an extremely satisfied smirk on his face. He was just _that_ awesome!

"Fifteen hundred is good. Your captain will be pleased," the dual voiced turian behind him said, making Joker flinch as he remembered the presence of a deadly alien at his six. Thankfully, said alien had better things to do than converse with the flight crew and left without waiting for a response.

_Way to ruin my moment, man._ He griped about Nilus to Alenko but didn't get any sympathy from the Lieutenant, because he thought that the counsel had every right to place their spectre on the boat, but no way in hell did a spectre get assigned to a shakedown run. Joker didn't care what kind of prototype warship or who worked together or yada-yada. The story didn't fly. Not for a second.

He nearly jumped again when the commander came to stand next to his chair. Great, now he was caught out bitching about the higher-ups. Couldn't he just catch a break with his bosses just once in a while? Captain Anderson already sounded like he had ants in his pants when he talked to Joker.

But lo and behold, she agreed with him! Maybe she wouldn't be so bad to serve under anyway. He indulged himself in a juvenile interpretation of the term for a few seconds before the captain rudely interrupted his daydream. Fraternization regs didn't mention anything about not being allowed to fantasize about your gorgeous -_did he just say that? - _XO crawling up his body in her delicates while tracing the contours of his damn fine physique _–and yes, he did say so himself- _with her hands and lips. Oh just imagine the reflection of her pert little ass in the windshield, wriggling slowly as she went… Anyway.

Wasn't like that was ever going to happen anyway. Not with his medical history and not with her being above him in rank, so he just filed the lovely image away for later contemplation and went back to business. Until she touched him.

She put a gentle hand on his shoulder with a soft squeeze and said, "I have to go. The captain's waiting for me."

"Alright, see you commander," He managed, even though his brain had suddenly become slightly woozy, as if it was full of static.

Joker wasn't used to being touched. The only people who had ever done so without hurting him, pitying him or being paid for it were his mother and physicians, and the warm kindness in the act did something to him that he couldn't quite put his finger on. It was as if something pulled him towards it, or her, craving more. But at the same time it was deeply unsettling – too personal and not something he could brush off with a citric comeback. It was a bit of an emotional ambush that he was just not ready for, and the commander had just instigated the attack as easily as breathing, making Joker feel more fragile than ever before. And he knew fragile like the back of his hand, hell by now he should probably have it tattooed on his ass. Heh, funny picture.

But as soon as the feeling had started, she was gone and he was released again to his own little world; where women were either cold or pitying, and tenderness was for children. Where a man could do what he really wanted if he didn't let anyone get close; get in the way, and where he could prove that he was good enough to do it alone, too.

Who was she anyway, to go around touching people? Keep your goddamned hands to yourself, is what he said. Yeah. Right. _Did feel kinda nice though, didn't it?_ Shuddup.

Just then a message came through from Eden Prime, shocking the hell out of Joker and Alenko with its contents. It looked like a warzone where it should have been paradise. What the hell had happened down there?

"Captain! We've got a problem!" He called to the comm room.

"What is it Joker?" Anderson's baritone replied.

"Transmission from Eden Prime. You better see this." He was patching it through to the comm room even before Anderson told him to, and tried to make heads or tails of the vid as he reviewed it again. This did not look good. Once more he thought; he'd be a monkey's uncle if this was a regular shake down run. Dammit.

* * *

><p><strong>I know, terrible. I hate it when I trap myself by writing the original dialogue. Blech! And it took me forever, too. This I flat out blame on my 6 months old daughter who is very needy (Of course, and I love every second of it), as well as a self induced writers block due to incompetence.<strong>

**Lemme know if you would like another, (better, I promise), chapter, where something interesting actually happens! YAY!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The Normandy was en route when Joker heard Alenko shout out to Shepard, and then an explosion sounded through the comm channel, followed by complete silence.

"Shit! What the hell was that?" He bellowed.

"Sir, we've lost all transmissions from Eden Prime. It seems there was a massive EMP detonation from the pick-up zone." His navigator quickly responded.

"Crap. Good thing we weren't in range. Any signs of additional EMPs charging?"

"No sir, everything is cold. No electricity for a seven mile radius at all."

"Keep an eye out. We're going in for extraction."

"Aye aye, sir."

Joker had visuals of the platform, where the last signal had indicated the team was located, after a few seconds of burning through atmosphere as fast as the Normandy could handle. _Guess she's gonna get tested on this supposed shake down run after all._

He shrugged and allowed a small smirk to spread on his face at the good thing about a possible incident involving the ground team was that he got to haul ass to their position. If only the brass would let him fly like that more often – it really kept everyone sharp and on their toes, but nooo; 'regulation maneuvres only, Flight Lieutenant Moreau!' Pah!

When he got there, he spotted the three marines and a smoking stump of a beacon. _Not good. _One was lying down with Alenko, the only male, kneeling above her, while the third – he guessed this was Williams – was holding her earpiece and trying to regain communication with the Normandy.

"Dr. Chakwas, we have a man down. Stand by for medical support," he relayed to the med bay.

"_Roger Joker, do we have an ID?"_

"I believe it's the commander, doc." He hoped she would pull through; She had a lot of potential, that one. Not only was she a badass marine, but she was kinda nice too. - For a superior officer, anyway.

"_Roger. Chakwas out."_ She sounded a bit distracted and very busy, so Joker assumed she had started preparations for the worst case scenarios.

When Joker touched down like a feather and immediately opened the hatch, Alenko and Williams – he had been right on the who's who – carried the unconscious commander aboard and ran straight for the med bay.

_Gotcha. Time to hit orbit until further notice. _In no time, he had lain in the coordinates and trajectory for the Normandy's VI and then put it on autopilot. He stayed in his seat until they were satelliting Eden Prime and then went to get dinner and wait for debriefing.

_All in a day's work._

* * *

><p>Fifteen hours later, the crew had been debriefed on the mission, and the night shift had come and gone. Joker was resetting his chair and bookmarks to his own preferences, again, and had a fresh can of coffee in his hand. Or, at least what passed for coffee aboard an alliance ship. It was piss poor and bitter, but strong enough to wake the dead. Best swallowed quickly to avoid the taste, though only if your trachea was coated in Teflon and your stomach was made of rawhide. Ahh, coffee!<p>

"Joker!"

"Shit!" He jumped and nearly spilled his precious black aqua vitae down his lap. _I REALLY need mirrors up here! _

"Oh, hey Commander," he said, relieved at seeing her up and about. "Looking good!" _Compared to being comatose the last time I saw you. Not that I'm hitting on you or anything. _"Er… I mean…" _Stop! Before you choke on your own toes, Moraeu!_

Shepard broke out a breathtaking smile as she stopped her run by his chair. "Thanks Joker. Looking refreshed yourself and… Is that coffee I smell?" She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, which insidently caused her excellently uniformed, ample bosom to lift and draw attention to itself, right at Joker's face level.

_Holy *…*, didn't know coffee could do that... _"Yep, never leave home without it!" He grinned as he took in the sights, only lifting his eyes to a gentlemanly level a fraction of a second before she opened hers. _Close call. Down, boy!_

"Can I taste? I'll get another for you, it's just that my head's killing me after the last mission and I'd kill for a cup right here and now." She asked with gorgeous doe eyes.

_Anything you ask me like that. - But… My coffee! _"Sure thing, commander. Knock yourself out, shaky caffeine hands are not practical for me anyway." –_WHAT? Nooo! You damn horny bastard!_

Shepard carefully placed her lush lips and took a good swig of his coffee canteen. Then she moaned deeply with her head back as she swallowed the black liquid and warmed her hands on the container. _Yeah, that's not gonna help me look you in the eye, commander. Damn that body looks good._

"Oh, heavenly… By the way, the captain wants you to dock at the citadel." She handed him back his coffee, "thanks for the drink lieutenant. Want a refill?"

He gulped, "I'm good… Ma'am." Turning stiffly to his console and plotting the course, he missed the quizzical look the commander gave him.

He cleared his throat and decided on small talk to make the unwanted image of her moaning while exposing her neck to him go away. Or at least get saved for later.

"Good timing, commander. I was just about to bring us into the citadel. See that tax payer money at work." He tried to concentrate on his task of getting them through the relay safely. It had never been this hard before, and the rushing sound of his own pulse in his ears didn't make it easier.

After clearing the jump Alenko and Williams joined them on the bridge and the tension in Joker's shoulders eased a bit as he and Williams started bantering about the Ascension, the citadel flagship. It really was an incredible aircraft; The mass of it alone was equivalent to a small moon and it was strategically placed at the end of the citadel's planet-length arms. One would be insane to take on this guard dog with bad intentions and expect to survive. Not as agile and fierce as the Normandy, though, and for this reason Joker preferred his current vessel to the huge monstrosity. He'd take a Cheetah over an elephant any day. Much more fun to fly!

Soft dock was a breeze after that and captain Anderson commed the three marines and told them to suit up, they were going to go talk to the counsel, if at all possible. _"- so put a shine to your boots, soldiers."_ He'd told them.

_That's why I decided to stay the 'transportation manager' right up here, _Joker thought to himself. _They'd just make me iron my shirt, take a bath, or worse – shave. Never gonna happen, I tell ya!_

The ground team left the ship and Pressly was left in charge. Joker settled in to do some thruster calibrations while they were docked, and opened up his extranet bookmarks folder for entertainment while the systems rebooted.

"That's it! Second flight lieutenant Morrison, report to the bridge immediately!" _How the hell did she delete them while I was up here?_

* * *

><p><strong>I decided to give you a little bit now and a little bit later instead of waiting a long time to post more, and thereby lose readers. Tell me if you enjoyed it, tell me if you didn't (but tell me why), and tell me if I messed something up.<strong>

**Next up: Shepard's POV…**

**Love ya!**


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you to everyone who have reviewed so far. This is for you!

**Chapter 4**

"Alexa, get away from there." Her mother ordered.

"But mom, all the other kids get to watch the clowns!" Her little lip jutted out in a pout and her big brown eyes pleaded, even though she knew it was a long shot to get her mother to change her mind.

"Those clowns are volus who have been sold into slavery by batarians and are now humiliated for the sake of making money for their masters. We are better people than those who support that kind of system. Now come on, sweetheart. Daddy is waiting at the space port, I'm sure." She took her daughter's hand and stroked her hair gently as she turned the girl around.

"Why don't they run away from the… batans if they don't like them, momma?" The young child asked innocently. In her world, people chose what they wanted to do with their lives and treated each other fairly. She had never encountered adults without free will before.

"They can't honey. They are kept in their place by fear. When the batarians force someone into slavery, they make sure to take as many family members with them as possible, so they can threaten to hurt the other members if one of the slaves should rise against them. It's easy to fight when it's just yourself who might get hurt, but when it's your sister, mother or son, people will do anything to keep them safe, even if they don't like it," her mother explained in a patient voice. "Then, after a few generations, the slave who is born into the life, doesn't even know that he has other options and doesn't have the necessary knowledge to free himself any longer. He isn't given the skills to live for himself in the universe."

She looked at her daughter cautiously. "Do you understand that, Alexa?"

The child considered this for a while as she walked along her mother's side. "I hate slaves," she finally said.

Her mother looked at her, surprised. "You hate slaves? Don't you mean you hate the slavers? –The people who force others to do things they don't want to?"

"Yes," Alexa vehemently agreed. "I hate slavers."

"Me too, sweetie," the woman sighed. "Me too."

"Is Daddy fighting slavers?" She asked.

"Yes he is. Slavers as well as other bad people. And when Daddy is home with you, and Mommy is away, it's my turn to fight the bad people."

"I want to fight bad people when I grow up too." The little girl proclaimed excitedly.

Her mother laughed. "I'm sure you'll be the best fighter in the entire Alliance, my dear. The very best!"

Since that day the idea of fighting evil was never far from young Alexa's mind. Sure, other carrier choices such as princess, fire fighter and pony rider came and went, but ultimately it always came back to policing the galaxy, protecting the weak and destroying the wicked.

* * *

><p>Due to both her parents being Alliance officers, Alexa had rarely known what it was like to have a permanent base for more than a few months, a year at the most, at a time. It made friendships difficult, to say the least.<p>

She learned that it was easy to get to know people with being the new kid who had seen tons of awesome places and had cool parents who taught her how to shoot, but she was always heartbroken when the orders came for her parents to move to another station or planet in another part of the galaxy. They usually discussed it casually over dinner or she was ambushed by the news when she was driving with one of them. As if they weren't ripping her world apart once again.

The first years when she was torn from her friends were the hardest. She would fall into depression, become quiet and miss them so much it sometimes hurt, but her parents didn't understand why she was so upset. They would try to cheer her up with vid calls to her friends, a brand new omni-tool for all of her holo's and e-mails so she could contact them at all times. But it wasn't the same.

Her longest lasting friend, Annie Petersen, always kept her up to date on the major goings on in her life and gossiped like a pro about all of the people Alexa had known when she had been on Mindoir. But eventually, those people changed or moved away and Alexa no longer knew who Annie was referring to in her mails. 'Dennis broke up with Charlotte because he was a jerk and only wanted to be with Kimberley with the huge boobs' – all of which Alexa only knew Charlotte who she never really had talked to. In short, she could care less if Dennis had broken up with her because her boobs weren't his size, and as a result, her own replies to Annie's mails became more and more infrequent and short.

Eventually even Annie gave up on the gossip and just wrote her at Christmas and birthdays with a short 'I'm doing good, how are you?' - to which Alexa could only reply in equal polite phrases. Not the most open and loving friendship in the world.

When she was thirteen, Alexa Shepard had all but given up on close friends. She was always sweet and welcoming, polite and caring for others, but she never shared her own feelings in the same manner as when she was younger. People quickly took to the sympathetic, beautiful young girl who always listened to their grievances and tried her best to help solve their problems. They opened up to her and considered her a great asset in their lives with her dazzling smile and easy companionship, and in their bedazzlement most of them forgot to ask her how she felt herself, and what she really thought about this and that.

When her mother was shot in the gut in Alexa's fourteenth year, and barely clung to life at the military hospital, Alexa had taken care of her father as he sat vigil by the bedside. She brought him food and made sure he showered and slept. He always thanked her and commended her on her courage, telling her what a good girl she was and how proud he was of her for taking such good care of him. In turn it made her proud and happy to do it.

But nobody remembered to ask her how she was holding up or listened to her fears of losing her mother and how she was worried for her father; whether he could pull through if her mom died. Nobody held her when she cried at night, praying for her family. It wasn't that nobody cared about her, just that nobody had ever been let into her circle of confidence, so they felt like they would be intruding if they pried. And most people around her felt certain that the charismatic girl would have to have other friends who were close enough to her to be there in her time of need. How wrong they were.

She had nobody to unload her pain on, the only comfort she found was the help she could provide for others, and the oblivion induced by extensive training and rigorous work-outs. Sand bags were beaten and kicked to death in those days, long after everybody else at the base had left the gym. Her free time was spent at the shooting range where her dad's friends let her practice with her hand gun and sniper rifle after hours (by permission from her father, of course). She was quiet, reclusive and focused, so the marines gave her the space she needed, sensing that this was probably a good outlet for the teen. Before long, she could shoot the sniper rifle as well as most of them on the long range.

Her mother pulled through, but lost her ability to bear more children, excluding the possibility of younger siblings. It had been Alexa's secret hope that one day she would get a younger sister or brother to be her best friend and confidant as she would be theirs, and they would never have to be separated by any moving around. So naturally she got very sad when she got the news that that would never happen. She took comfort in the notion that her mother had survived, at least, and she still had her little family unit intact.

* * *

><p>Not long after her mother's recovery she decided to join the junior division of the alliance military academy, figuring that if she was going to be an army brat she might as well embrace it fully. Her parents beamed with pride when she told them that she had been accepted to the academy from the day of her fifteenth birthday, just two and a half months away.<p>

The Shepards had such high hopes for their daughter's future, and Alexa herself couldn't wait to make them happy and show them what she was capable of. She would be the best she could be and kill every bastard who ever tried to hurt good honest people in the big, bad galaxy. Plus there was bound to be some cute guys at such a place, which didn't hurt her anticipation any. After all, she was still a teenage girl.

She had only had one actual boyfriend, because she wasn't one to go kissing just anyone. It wasn't preferable to be considered easy when you already had the label of 'new girl' permanently stuck to your forehead. The boy she had kissed had been the object of a serious crush she'd had at the time, and she had been pressured by her fellow female students to try to do something about it. Why they felt the need to draw her out of her shell –where she was perfectly comfortable, thank you very much – was a mystery to Alexa. What was the point in getting involved with a boy if she could be leaving any day?

It wasn't that she was a shy, blushing, or stammering geek. In that respect she was a bit different than most other teens, supposedly. She had an open, happy-go-lucky personality and was equally comfortable playing soccer with the boys, as she was listening to gossip with the girls. Listening, but never mitigating, though. And when she developed a crush on one of the boys in her class, she was quite annoyed with herself, because it negated any and all control she had so carefully cultivated through the years.

She would get increased heart rate when he looked her in the eyes, hot and cold goosebumps if he touched her, She felt giddy happy when he smiled at her and his voice did disturbing things to her insides. All those things she was unable to control, which was, of course, unacceptable.

The girls in her class were very observant and sympathetic to Alexa's feelings, unlike herself, and thus decided to help her speed things along by taking her to parties after dolling her up to a T and pushing her into a separate room with the guy after a bit of drinking and a game of spin the bottle. It had worked, too, but in the end Alexa had been right, and a few blissful weeks later she was once more packing to move to another place in the galaxy. She never saw Ethan again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry, no dialogue or action, just some background on our favourite heroine. Did you buy it or do I need to return to the drawing board? ;)<strong>

**Reviews are love**


	5. Chapter 5

"What do you want from me?" Joker ranted. "Why do you always come and talk to me? What is it about you that makes you just HAVE to make small talk with everybody?" His hands were flailing in the air as he sat in front of her. "Believe me, you don't need to feel obligated to talk to me. I know I'm not the nicest person… No, scratch that. I know I'm a complete arrogant asshole who gets people killed!" He pointed at her, almost yelling at his superior officer.

Shepard, however, remained calm as she watched her pilot throw a fit at her. "I just want to, Joker," she stated. "I like talking to you, and since when do you get people killed? Last I checked, we're all alive because of you."

Joker looked at her incredulously; "You DIED because of me, Shepard"

Alexa rolled her eyes at him and unfolded her arms exasperated. "No… I died because of the Collectors, remember? We had this talk." She reminded him.

Rubbing his eyes tiredly, Joker gave up on that particular line of thought. After all she was right, they had talked about it before, they just hadn't come to a mutual understanding of how the events had passed and who was to blame for the death of the SSV Normandy and the great Commander Shepard. "Come on Shepard, what is it you want from me?"

"You're my friend," she shrugged and answered in her easy manner.

"I don't want to be your friend," Joker balked. "Friends leave, just look at Ash." _Look at Kaidan, look at YOU._

Shepard didn't quit, never had, never would. And certainly not on Joker. "You were the first one to come back and you've never turned your back on me. You've always been loyal." _And that's more worth to me than anything in this galaxy._

Joker scoffed, "if it's loyalty you want, get a dog."

_Two can play that game. _"Can't. I live in space."

A small smirk threatened to erupt at the corner of Joker's lips. "Then get a space hamster."

"I did. They die."

Immediately his face fell and he got up with some difficulty to look her in the eye. "So did you!"

"Joker…" Shepard sighed. She looked up and caught his fierce gaze for just a split second.

"No! You have no idea what it was like without you here! Everyone was just _lost_ and drifted apart. We were your team, but without you we were just a bunch of fucked up losers with no direction and the brass broke us apart like we were _nothing_. Nobody had any fight in them anymore. We didn't know what to do or even how to talk to each other. Hell, we didn't even really know _who we were_ without you. I won't do that again!" He ranted as he waved his arms all over the place.

Shepard looked at him, confused. "Do what? You didn't _do _anything wrong." _You were there for me. You came back for me when nobody else would. You trusted me when my friends called me a terrorist._ She tried to catch his eye, but he kept evading her.

"I… I can't. Please don't. Please don't make me," he begged as his breathing became more labored.

She had never seen him this upset before. It was deeply unsettling to her to see the one she always counted on to be strong and flippant about things in this way. "Jeff, what's going on? You're kinda scaring me here."

Joker finally stilled with his forehead in his hand. "Love you, okay? I can't love you like that again and then lose you." _Shit, too much info. Take it back!_

Shepard was momentarily stunned, and just stared at him. She quickly shook it off and blinked a few times. "Jeff, look at me… look at me, please." She gently pried his hand away from his face and laid her other palm against his cheek. He had his eyes closed and leaned his head slightly into her touch. He looked like he was in pain.

He took a deep breath. "What I mean is… We were your team, we all loved you, when you died we fell apart, I loved you and then you were _gone_, we were yours…" He kept ranting.

"Jeff_, Look _at me!" She said in a hope to startle him out of his funk.

He finally opened his eyes as he reached up with shaking hand and touched her face where her scar used to be. When his blazing green eyes caught hers, he finally admitted;"… I'm yours. I'm yours, Shepard, and I… I love you. Goddammit, I'm sorry but I do."

He leaned in on the wide eyed, once again flabbergasted Shepard and held her face softly in his hands. "I love you Alexa." He whispered against her lips before gently, slowly kissing her.

_Oh God, I'm kissing Shepard. So soft… So smooth… In a second she's gonna snap out of it and break my arm or something. If I'm lucky it's not my spine. I don't care though, it's worth it. Is that strawberries? _The blood rushed in his veins and he heard nothing but the sound of his own pulse, thundering in his ears, as he gently stroked a few loose strands of soft, deep red hair behind her ear.

Shepard realized that she wasn't dreaming and started processing impressions. Joker was kissing her. He was really kissing her… Her heart started pounding in a way that her new upgrades didn't even let it do during combat and she felt her cheeks flush with excitement. His lips were light, asking permission almost, but his hands held her face as if he never wanted her to slip away, as if she was fragile and breakable if he pushed too hard. She deepened the kiss and the world started to spin.

He loved her. If only she had known, she wouldn't have kept herself under such tight control all the time for fear of making him uncomfortable. She hadn't wanted to push her own feelings down his throat, especially not since he was her subordinate and he might feel pressured to make concessions of his own if she had shown him…

But he loved her.

His soft beard tickled her face and she smiled when she remembered all the times she had imagined how that would feel. So this was how… He nipped at her bottom lip and tasted her before he wrapped his arms around her and drank deeply from her. Their tongues found each other in a slow dance, touching and feeling the other, trying to get as close as possible in their intimate rhythm.

Joker's hand snuck up her back to her hair where he snatched the pin that held the intricate bun in place, making her long smooth tresses cascade down like a waterfall. He ran his fingers through it, surprised that those fiery red locks could be so cool and liquid to the touch. Joker walked her backwards towards the copilot's seat until her legs bumped the edge of the seat. His other hand had found the hem of her shirt and was just caressing the line of skin beneath it that his thumb could reach without him putting his entire hand underneath her clothes. He wanted to give her a chance to stop him before he went too far or too fast.

Shepard had no such sentiments now. She tugged at his t-shirt and pulled it free of his pants before she proceeded to slide her hands from his sides and up his back, making him inhale sharply from the pleasurable sensation. She had noticed the fine curve of his back and the broadness of his shoulders before, and running her hands over the obvious muscle had long been a fantasy of hers. Long years of using crutches and getting physical therapy had kept him strong and fit, even if his job was in a pilot seat and not running through a battle field. His skin felt smooth and warm, practically lickable.

Joker backed her up against EDI's console and thanked the higher powers that the AI saw fit to be scarce at this moment in time. He never would have guessed that it actually had that kind of manners. The pleasant feeling of Joker's tall frame against her own emboldened Shepard so she jumped up to sit on the console and wrapped her strong legs around his hips and pulled him in. When she felt the bulk in his pants she broke the kiss and looked at him surprised.

"Is that a spaceship in your pocket or are you just _really_ happy to see me?" She quipped with a sit eating grin.

Joker looked at her dazes through lidded eyes. "Shut up." He attacked her lips with hard hunger and ground his body into hers, making her moan in pleasure. When he let her lips go to move on to her neck, nibbling and licking his way down, Shepard was quivering and ready to sell her soul to just have him never, ever stop touching her.

It was a strange, muffled sound that caught her attention next, though. "_Mmja rmmn j ded ewar n w bubngne excessble pls, cmmnde?"_

Joker looked at Shepard, flushed and eyes twinkling. "Is that an AI up your butt, or have my superior kissing skills robbed you of your speech capabilities?"

Shepards jaw dropped and her eyes widened incredulously. "I… You…"

Joker gave a short nod. "Very well then." He interrupted her and returned his mouth to her neck whilst massaging her left breast through her shirt.

Shepard gasped at the shock of the sensation, but then burst out laughing.

He sighed against her skin and smiled at the sound. "I hate it when I have that effect on a woman, you know. It's very bad for my ego." This only made Shepard giggle harder.

"Good one Moreau, but I think I need to get off EDI for a sec." As she untangled herself from him and jumped down, she addressed the AI; "Did you say something, EDI?"

"Yes, Shepard. I asked if I may remind you that you are in a publicly accessible place? It did not seem like the activity you were engaging in were for the crew's eyes."

"What did I tell you?" Joker said, "she is so my mom!"

"I doubt that you would have been doing that to Shepard if she sat on your mother's lap, Mr. Moreau." EDI deadpanned.

Joker froze. "Shit, now I have a really weird picture in my head. Thanks EDI!"

"You're welcome."

Shepard interrupted them with a cough. "Anyway, she's probably right, Jeff."

"Of course she is! I would never dry hump you with my mother in the room!"

Shepard lifted an eyebrow. "-About not dry humping in front of the crew, helmsman."

"Oh."

"I mean, I am supposed to be their commander."

_And mine too. _"Right," he sighed.

"And though I know this isn't the alliance, going around french kissing the crew might be bad for morale."

_Who's morale? –Not mine, that's for sure! _"Sure, sure."

"Some might even begin to question my motives when I give certain orders."

_Wait, is she breaking up with me already? _"Yeah, maybe You're right. We should just leave it at that." He said dejectedly.

"What? Hell no! I just thought I'd drag you to my quarters in stead. That is – if you're interested? No pressure, I promise, and if you don't want to, you'll never hear another word about it… But I'm going up, and if you were to come by in say, half an hour, I might not throw your out on your ass…" She winked at him and sauntered down to the CIC, a new sway in her hips that had Joker practically drooling at the floor where he stood.

When she hit the elevator button and the doors closed, he turned around to sit down, only to find that his painfully hard erection was straining against his pants. He adjusted himself to find a comfortable position in vain.

"How the hell am I supposed to just sit here for half an hour after _that?" _He mumbled to himself.

Immediately, his most frequently used porn file popped up on screen, and his secret drawer of tissues sprang open.

"I have been researching human mating, Mr. Moreau, and if I may make a suggestion, I would propose that you alleviate yourself of excess tension before visiting Commander Shepard's quarters, in order to increase duration of your planned copulation."

Joker turned beet read and franticly tried to shut off the sound and/or vid of the porno. "You did NOT just do that, you nosy, creepy, meddlesome, viral malfunctioning piece of SOFTWARE!" He shouted.

"I'm sorry. Have I offended you?" EDI politely asked.

"Uh, YEAH!"

"My apologies. Logging you out."

Joker slumped back in his chair with a hand covering his face. "When in name of creation do I ever log _in?"_

No answer.

"Thank God."

As he began to calm down, the image of Shepard's swaying hips and the feeling of her rubbing against his body as he kissed her crept back into his mind and he groaned when his previous problem reinforced itself with a twitch.

His hand found his pant button and slid inside to press against his hard-on. Slowly he began to rub his shaft up and down.

_Shit, her smell… Her tongue, so sweet… Those soft tits… Her legs around my ass… rhythm… oh yeah… fuck me baby… bounce that ass… God, you're beautiful…_

His fist increased the pace of its pumping.

_Faster, baby, come on… oh fuck yeah… So tight… So hot… Shepard… oh… ohh… _"Unnghhh!" He twitched and came, spurting himself on his stomach. "Oh, shit…" He panted.

The euphoria spread to his limbs and left him in a puddle, so to speak, as he gathered up some tissues with his left hand and enjoyed the post orgasmic chill. _Maybe EDI was right. I wouldn't have lasted five minutes if Shepard had actually been here… _Not that he'd ever tell it that.

Meanwhile, in the captain's cabin….


End file.
